Fathers should strip off their shirts before holding their newborn babies to aid the "bonding" process, says a booklet funded by the Government.The pamphlet, which has prompted accusations about interference from the nanny state, also recommends that they should gaze into their baby's eyes for short periods to develop the child's brain. It also suggests that fathers should be rewarded with gift vouchers if they attend antenatal classes.
The booklet, Including New Fathers: A Guide for Maternity Professionals, has been published by Fathers Direct, a publicly funded charity that advises the Government on fatherhood.
— The Telegraph, June 5
Prepared by Shoes You Can Use
With the Kind Support of Her Majesty's Government
Take a look at Figure 1.
Figure 1. Shoe.
The thing about it is, these shoes don't wrap themselves tightly around your feet (see pamphlet #129-75-BH-16, "Recognizing Common Body Parts") unless you tie something to stop them coming loose. That something is called shoelaces (Figure 2).
Figure 2. Shoelaces.
Still with us, mate? Right, then. Here's how you tie your laces in a bow knot.
Pass one shoelace end under the other and pull both of them smartly. Now, keeping the crossed lace ends tight, take one end and loop it. Take the other end and wrap it around the base of the loop.
Next, take that other end and pass it under — no, hang about. Pass it through — er, wait just a tick.
Let's see, you've got one end looped, the other end wrapped around the bottom of the loop … now … blimey.
Look mate, we're not kidding you up. You really can tie shoelaces. For the rest of the dish on how to get on with it, consult pamphlet #433-34-DS-33RM, "Advanced Course: Exxtreme Shoelace Tying."
Best of British luck to you, mate!