Tuesday, January 13, 2009

USA "smoking hole" crash site spotted

Missing businessman 'faked his own death in plane crash'
after divorce and financial troubles
Daily Mail, January 13

Feb. 15, 2009 (Distress Press) — Searchers looking for the wreckage of the United States, missing since last Tuesday, believe they have located the crash site deep in the Honduras jungle.

"We were able to identify a few scraps of economy in ruined condition," said Commander Wilfred Plenum. "There were some mortgages scattered around the site as well."

The country disappeared from world radar screens following a "Mayday" call from Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson. "We are running out of fuel, please tell the subcontractors everywhere to print more ASAP," he reportedly said.

There was no sign of jobs at the impact site, Commander Plenum said. "When that baby went in, the stimulus rate was so high that it left nothing but a Great Depression."

All Treasury debt has been cancelled, there being no country left to back it with its full faith and credit.

World leaders expressed their commiseration guardedly. "Rum luck," said a communiqué from the British Foreign Office. "They had a few good innings, the Yanks did." European Union President Diderot Smorgasbord said, "Just shows what a failure of central planning can do."

Chinese Minister Run-Run Chow declared, "Most unfortunate, but I want to reassure our people that all McDonald's in the People's Republic remain open for business."

Mexican President-elect George W. Bush said, "The whole of the former space called the U.S. that rightfully belongs to Mexico is now open for colonization by
el pueblo whose family values don't stop at the Rio Grande. This is a great day for reconquista!"


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