Our house is your house

Light housekeeping is the order of the day
for the immigrant community.

In Peterborough, England, some homeowners find themselves running guest houses. The thing is, they didn't invite the guests.

Groups of immigrants have moved into the gardens of at least six properties since November last year, leaving a trail of cider bottles, bags of human waste and drugs needles behind them.

Though homeowners have appealed for help, the police and council say they cannot arrest the trespassers - who have no passports and are mostly from Eastern Europe - because they claim it is a civil, not a criminal matter.

Trespassing and occupying someone else's house is "not a criminal matter" in today's Marxist U.K. You don't like having your house requisitioned by illegal immigrants, hire a lawyer and sue them.

This is good to know. Next time I'm in London, if there is a next time, I will sneak into Buckingham Palace and choose a suitable room for my stay. "Sorry, your Majesty, but I've decided to kip down here for a couple of weeks. You don't know how expensive London hotels are these days. Now, begging your pardon, your Majesty, I'm a bit fatigued at the moment, and that Regency four-poster bed is looking jolly inviting. Please shut the door as you leave."

Ian Treasure, 41, one of the homeowners affected by the camps, said a man named Joseph from the Czech Republic was living in his garden coal shed.

Despite six phone calls to Peterborough City Council pleading with them to evict the immigrants and remove the mountains of dumped rubbish, he could not get the man to leave.

Mr Treasure said: 'The area has become overrun. It is disgusting and the worst thing is that nobody is doing anything about it. Every day it gets worse. It all started in November. I was looking out of the window and I saw a mattress in my coal shed. I went out and it turned out I had a lodger there.

'I'm not sure how many there are because I try to stay away from them but I'm fed up because they regularly drink in our gardens and take drugs.'

Come along, Mr. Treasure. Don't you know no human being is illegal? And what's this "private property" lark? Your government exists to spread the wealth around. Why should you be entitled to a house when these immigrants, not doing the jobs English people won't do, have none? Where's your compassion?

Another chap took a more proactive stance.

Ricky Smith, 23, attempted to remove the squatter in his shed after catching him defecating on his lawn on Wednesday night.

He said: 'I slung all his belongings into a pile and told him to get out. I haven't seen him since so hopefully he has got the message.' I caught him defecating on my lawn, where my dog plays. I had to build a fence to keep him out of that part of the garden so my dog doesn't get ill playing in his mess.'

That would be taking the law into his own hands. If there were any law.

A spokesman for Cambridgeshire police said that the makeshift camps were not a criminal matter. He said: 'Anybody is allowed to use reasonable force to stop people trespassing and get them off their property - much like a bouncer in a pub or club.

'If there is some sort of confrontation then we can step in and prevent a breach of the peace, but we cannot act directly against the trespassers.'

So, if Ricky Smith gets into a discussion with his lawn-fertilizing tenant, the Bill can step in and make an arrest. Of Smith.

A spokesman for Peterborough council said: 'We are aware of a number of people who are sleeping in these gardens.

'We will be working to help them access the services which are available to them.'

Now that's the spirit. Who says government isn't responsive to the needs of the people? The town council is at this moment finding ways Mr. Treasure's and Mr. Smith's guests can "access the services which are available to them." Should be a matter of a few days when the immigrants can be set up in a council flat, rent free, and on the dole.

Once that particular immigrant community has moved on, the homeowners can get busy tidying up the place for the next guests.