PRESIDENT -- Down-on-its-luck major nation seeks chief executive. Must lack convictions and be easily led by public opinion. Must have solid record of flip flopping. Whites and men encouraged to apply.
The state-controlled media have gotten the memo from who-knows-where. They are pleased to inform us that the Republican horse race is over.
That guy from Texas, his name doesn't come to mind just at the moment, another compassionate (toward Mexicans) conservative, has collapsed into himself like one of those dark holes in space the astronomers go on about. Comedian Cain has a bimbo eruption problem. Maybe he's really driven as the clean snow -- I mean, clean as the driven snow. But one too many accusations have been hung on him, and he now bears the mark of, well, Cain. Unfair, maybe, but that's how things are.
So, how about Romney? In my view, he was quite a decent portraitist, but not as inspired as Reynolds or Gainsborough. What? Oh, that Romney.
Given the Stupid Party's listless list of presidential candidates, Romney is probably the least awful choice we will have in these waning days of the Republic. He has the virtue of no apparent firm stands on anything.
Look, I know that doesn't sound like the stuff greatness is made of, but a negative virtue is better than positive malice. We're coming up for 12 years of American presidents unable to critically examine their own policies, much less change their minds when reality intervenes.
At this point I would welcome a weenie with nothing more on his mind than wearing the laurel crown. For a change, imagine having a career politician who -- for his own advantage, of course -- takes soundings of the people and gives them what they want, even if it's less government and real, rather than let's-pretend, national borders.
Do we need a model? Bill Clinton's saving grace was that he stood for a national policy of maximizing the nookie in his predatory diet, which kept his mind away from all sorts of foolishness. He only sent the U.S. military into places where we had a chance of winning, like Haiti. Oh, and bombing the Serbs from 50,000 feet -- the odds were on our side there, too.
He was clever enough to keep an ear to the ground. What's all this, a clamor for welfare reform? Okay, whatever: "End welfare as we know it." Who cares about a little ideology when he's having so much extra-curricular fun?
True, Clinton's special interests did cause his mind to wander at a few critical times, like when he was being given a briefing on a CIA target named Ben Latin or something. But on the whole, his freedom from core beliefs allowed him to bend to the will of the people if necessary. Needless to add, that has not been the case with either of our two most recent elected monarchs.