Thursday, July 01, 2010

Greetings, you are being drafted into the Civilian Expeditionary Force

I had planned to write about the birth and death of the Universe today, but I'm not feeling motivated. So I'll do one more posting about our President-on-Training-Wheels.

Obi Won's latest brain throb is something called the Civilian Expeditionary Force.

According to ABC:

During his town hall in Racine, Wisconsin today President Obama spoke about the civilian expeditionary force within his National Security Strategy.

“We just got to be smart about using all the elements of American power, not just one element of American power,” he said.

Have "reporters" become illiterate as well as biased? You could say, "During his town hall meeting" or "During his town hall speech," but … "During his town hall"? Was Obi Won correctly quoted as saying, "We just got to be smart"? Meaning we were dead stupid before, but we drank a pitcher of Smart-Aid and now we're up there with that frizzy-haired dude who invented relativity? Or does this reporter not understand that grammatically it should be "We've"? Anyway …
The president pointed to Iraq and Afghanistan where military personnel are having to engage in work that he said really should be civilian work– like building schools and bridges -- because of under-resourcing on the civilian side …

“Make sure that we've got a civilian expeditionary force that, when we go out into some village somewhere and the military makes it secure, let's have that agricultural specialist right there, let’s have that person who knows how to train a police force right there, let's -- let's have all those personnel and let's make sure that we are giving them the support that they need in order for us to be successful on our mission.”
Ellen? "Sir!" Marilyn? "Sir!" Tommy? "Sir!"

Right! We hit the garden at 0900. Synchronize your watches! Check shovels!

Women, you too men, I don't have to tell you that this is a dangerous assignment. Booby-trapped gardenias and jihadists masquerading as mulch sellers have caused more mischief than I have time to tell you. But the world's eyes are on you, and Supreme Commissar Obama has lots of Czar positions for those who show their bravery under bribery. I want those plant rows straight, and I mean it! There will be no goddamn wasted ammunition, so make every ounce of fertilizer count.
The president warned that if the civilian side is shortchanged it could lead to another “very dangerous situation” if the diplomatic work is not done and “the only solution is a military solution that might cost us five times as much.”
And never forget — every military woman, even man, costs five times what you're worth! They can buy and sell you with their pocket change. Show some goddamn pride you're saving your country a bundle every minute you're out there on the front line.

You better not let me see your ass dragging! You will uphold the highest traditions of the Civilian Expeditionary Force and show our Afghan friends what determined women can do! You too, men. When the going gets tough, remind yourself of the inspiring words of our Supreme Commissar:
" … We must provide the appropriate authorities and mechanisms to implement and coordinate assistance programs and grow the civilian expeditionary capacity required to assist governments on a diverse array of issues.”
Got that? I hope your wills are in order and notarized. And persons in America now abed shall think themselves accursed they were not here, and hold their personhoods cheap whiles any speaks that gardened with us on St. Swithin's Day.



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